Discovering Tourette’s

Summer 2012 brought an interesting discovery; one that might be considered unfortunate to most, but for me the discovery was met with relief. The events leading up to my diagnosis of Tourette’s Syndrome (TS) go back decades, but really came together during the last 10 years.
I was always a twitchy kid. I did a lot of blinking, raising eyebrows, throat clearing, and other considerably mild tics that may not have been especially noticeable. This stuff never went away, but became more prevalent into later teen years. Teen years are a mosh pit where tender, self-conscious, drama, and other shady characters listen to life scream at them while they jump, kick and punch each other for no good reason but to show that they can. Most of us grow out of it, but for someone with an unknown neurological disorder and no knowledge or explanation about its symptoms being displayed, I became increasingly self-conscious, and did my best to mask or suppress my tics. For some time this was effective.
As life went on, bringing with it the stress and anxiety that I imagine most people experience, the compulsions associated with movement disorders became stronger and stronger. Co-workers brought my tics to my attention. I totally bombed job interviews. I developed greater social anxiety. I began to notice chronic pain in my jaw, face, neck, side, and back.
Home life was a little different. Although I still suppressed tics, the comfort of home made it easier to just relax and be myself. My wife Candace couldn’t help but notice my movements and I was not quiet about the pains associated. Then one night we saw a program about TS, featuring children and teens with some pretty extreme cases of the disorder. But Candace mentioned to me that a lot of what was going on with me was comparable to what the program was discussing. Although the light bulb suddenly turned on over my head, Candace had flipped the switch on.
I began studying TS and quickly began to see myself fitting easily into that realm at least. A couple of months later I was in my Doctor’s office for my scheduled Diabetes check up. While there I talked about my tics and asked about TS diagnosis. Before I got very far he stopped me.
“You don’t have Tourette’s.”
“Really? How do you know?”
“Because you’re an adult. Tourette’s is a kids disease, and they grow out of it.You probably just have a stress induced tic. Here, fill this prescription for {some kind of muscle relaxant medication}.”
“So there’s no chance that it’s TS? Should I see a specialist to determine this?”
“No, I’m telling you, you don’t have TS.”
I didn’t fill that prescription. There had to be more to this, and I was quite sure I didn’t need meds to relax my muscles. I continued studying until I was certain I did have TS. It explained so much. So, self-diagnosed, I told people close to me that I have TS. Of course, because of my Doc’s words, I was a little self-conscious (once again), but I had no other explanation.
About a year later I had my professional diagnosis. My sister’s family was in town and there was a pool party for both sides of the family; our side and her husband (Jared)’s side. I hadn’t seen Jared’s family for years. His sister was there and noticed my tics. She just happens be an APRN specializing in psychiatric and anxiety disorders (such as PTSD) at the VA hospital. Thanks to her concerns she asked that I come see her. So we sat down with the official book and discussed my family and medical history, and all of my symptoms. In the end, the criteria was met. I was diagnosed with TS. But I wasn’t devastated or even down. I was vindicated. I could finally put a name to the face…name being TS, and face being my very twitchy face.
There are levels within TS. My case is fairly mild, though it does come on strong at times. TS is pretty tightly knit with some comorbid conditions, which are OCD and ADHD. I definitely have symptoms of OCD, though I don’t see any telling signs of ADHD. As a whole these conditions are not widely understood, and media has portrayed these, especially TS, in a very abstract light, leaving most of us ignorant and under-educated about them. Please learn more. I recommend either the Center for Disease Control and Prevention or, for a more detailed version (and frankly a much more interesting read) see Tourette's Syndrom on Wikipedia.
Thanks for reading.

My Diabetic Life

My pancreas sucks. Most people have a fine pancreas. It does what it is meant to do, making digestive enzymes and what not…but unlike most people’s pancreas, MINE decided, 15 years ago, that it was done with one very crucial function: making insulin.
It’s a sad tale, 18 year old high school student loses a ridiculous amount of weight, most of his vision, and any degree of motivation or stamina to even walk. Then a doctor tells him, “you’ve got the diabeedis,” and sends him across the street to the ER, dragged only by his poor little mother, and thrown in a wheelchair at the entrance to be admitted mere minutes before comatose takes over. Luckily the boy wakes up. And when he does, he begins the short road to recovery and starts a new life as a regular dude with an affinity for needles, granted continued existence on a day to day basis, like a temporary worker who continues to work on the project as long as he completes all required tasks in a very timely manner.
It’s not all that dire really. Sad sad beginnings I suppose, but it did not take long to compromise with the disease and establish a middle ground where I do things somewhat my way and my body does things somewhat his way. The real challenge here is the continued effort of eating better, testing my blood more frequently, ensuring proper diabetes management. It’s no easy task, especially for one such as me who has let things slide over the years. But I am still in good health and have both of my feet and my vision is good (knock on wood). I am trying to find new ways to motivate myself to improve, even if only for my wife and kids’ sake.

Losing Skin

A few weeks ago I totally blew it. I was taking a nice cruise on my longboard with Ethan; first real skate of the year. We went to the regular spot; just a little neighborhood up against the mountain with enough slope to hit 35 mph if you get into a proper tuck and take it straight on. With months of garbage weather I had not skated for quite some time, aside from an occasional pushing cruise down my street, which, if you have ever skated over 25 mph, you might agree is not that exciting anymore.

Anyway, on just my second ride down the sloped street, at about 30 mph, I caught some heavy speed-wobbles. That is what you call that moment when the board is uncontrollably shaking back and forth under your feet. If you don't know how to stabilize while in motion (a technique I have not mastered), you WILL get bucked off. Now, I have fallen many times. I know very well how to bail at that speed. I would normally fall forward on my hands and knees (gloves with thick plastic and knee pads) and ride it out. No pain, no problem. But this time, i totally panicked. I decided to stand up and try to run it out....at 30 mph. What am I, Superman? No, I am not. I cannot run 30 mph. As soon as my left foot touched the ground I was down. My left hip and both elbows took the entire impact of the asphalt. As soon as I hit, I knew I would be feeling it. The results were captured in photos, though I have chosen not to post those photos here. They are a bit gruesome. I'll just say I lost some serious arm skin and ended up with an enormous bruise on the left. The wounds had a difficult time healing, but have finally mended. The human body's ability to heal is truly remarkable.

This was by far my worst wreck to date, but one I can look back upon as a lesson learned. I am not indestructible. And now that I am finally healed up enough, and have picked up some new knee pads and added elbow pads to my collection of safety gear, I am anxious to try again...but I will most likely keep it to 20 mph for a bit and work back up to the 30 plus. I owe it to my elbows.

Molly and Music

So I posted, in the past, a video of Molly grooving to some of my music. Well, she loves all sorts of music. Of course, whenever it's one of my bands or recordings, she instantly recognizes it and loudly states, "That's daddy's song." If Fleet Foxes or Aloha come on, it's, "TURN IT UP." If it's something a little more up-beat and/or dancy, it's, "Mommy Daddy look," as she is in her car seat grooving out in some way through the constrictive straps that hold her down. She loves music. Over the weekend as we were listening on shuffle, Morning Light by Aloha came on. See vid.

A great show 2010

This was a great one. We were the odd band out and didn't have much of a chance to win, considering the 'left field' from which we came to play, but it was way fun and a privilege. This vid has some highlights and interviews.

Check this one too. A bit more of us.
Another on VIMEO

Google Yourself

Have you ever Google'd yourself? If you say no, you're a liar. Come on, everybody has. It's funny to see what weird crap comes up. I found that I am a weird old guy with nothing important on my website, a basketball player at Stony Point High School (up for college recruitment), an Investment Manager in Rochester UK (and a large number of other positions on LinkedIn), and some Belgian gal. And, although it is rare to actually find yourself on page 1 of a Google search, I found my Flickr page. Not that impressive, but whatever.

Not that I am that interesting of a person; I don't need to be Google page 1, or even page 100. However, I happen to be one of those who does some things in my life that I DO want to see page 1 on Google. And with some hard work I have achieved this. For example, Google the simple term "Bird Eater" and the very first link I see is my Myspace page for Bird Eater. If you search "C-Style" the last link on page 1 is my Big Cartel store for C-Style. Search "Pilot This Plane Down" and the first 5 links on the page go to our store, our Last.fm profile, and a dead link not worth specification. Yay Chris, cool me, right? Not the point. The point is that Google is rad, and blows my mind.

Also good finds on page 1 for Day of Less and Harmony Homes Utah

Longboarding

I'm not one to stay in my comfort zone. I enjoy trying new things; sometimes even when the new thing seems something that is so not like me. Sure, as a kid, I thought skateboarding was rad. I tried skating at the age of 8 when I got my first board. That one lasted a short time, and I got a new one when I was like 12. I remember that one had a preying mantis on it. I tried to do a thing or two, but could never keep up with the other neighbor kids who were getting the asymmetric boards (today's common 'street skateboard'). I could never even ollie, let alone bust out a kick-flip. Needless to say, I gave up pretty quick. But I never forgot how much fun it was to just push around, even at the slow speed of a short skateboard.



About five years ago, my interest was rekindled when I saw a longboard at a Zumies. I put it on the ground and gave a little push. The feel of the soft, giant wheels gliding on the smooth concrete floor felt like a cloud, and I knew that if I could just get one, I'd be fulfilled. It took some time and connections, but I finally realized that my theory was completely true when I acquired a longboard within the last couple of years. An old friend Jake, I found out, had a longboard company in Ogden. He hooked me up with his best board, the Buddha's Streaker. There was no turning back. That very day I completed my first power-slide, and within a couple of months I was increasing speed and developing my slides. Don't get me wrong; I'm far from a champ. But I am somewhat fanatical and always pushing myself to learn more and develop my style. Right now, I can say that longboarding is one of my favorite activities, and I get so much thrill, satisfaction, and stress relief out of the sport. It is great exercise and will keep me young for years to come. I don't think I ever had it in me to skate a half-pipe or grind a rail. But I don't need to. I am pretty sure most of those guys, though INCREDIBLE at what they do, have nothing on me when it comes to speed and sliding. I skate too.