Public Displays of Diabetes

Public Displays of Diabetes

People with diabetes eat food. Sometimes they eat food in a public place. I know, that's so interesting, right? Doesn't everybody? Well, yes. And almost everybody can do it like this:

• sit down
• take a look at the menu
• order what they want
• wait for it
• consume. 

But for almost none of us...almost, mind you...it isn't that simple. See, a few of us humans have type 1 diabetes. Our process is different. Mine has gone a little like this (your diabetes may vary):

• sit down
• take a look at the menu
• overthink and assume the nutritional facts on each item due to the lack of information
• order what I decide might be easiest to nail down
• pull out my glucose meter
• insert a test strip
• stab myself in the fingertip (I get to choose the finger)
• milk the wound for a drop of blood
• place the drop on the test strip
• use the data to figure out how much insulin I need in order to correct slightly elevated blood sugar (BG) reading
• estimate the carbohydrate content in the food I ordered
• pull out a vial of insulin and syringe
• fill syringe with the amount of insulin I should need based on a strange equation I use to calculate BG correction plus carb coverage
• inject insulin into my skin (I get to choose where)
• wait for the food
• consume.

It's all fairly quick, so no big deal. But to some bystanders it IS kind of is a big deal. I sort of understand it; needle phobia, hemophobia, and I don't want to be insensitive to the rare legitimate case of these. But see, I have to do these things in order to continue living. I don't want to go do it in the filthy restroom, I certainly can't just do it in my car before I go in to see what I'm even eating. Sometimes I can only be so discrete. 

One time I was asked to take it to the restroom...

Believe it or not, I have been asked to "do that in the restroom" before. It was very confusing to hear, and difficult to work out in my head at the moment. I did go into the restroom. I tested my blood, injected insulin, and stewed in very negative feelings. The person who asked it of me was not trying to be rude, I get that. But had he considered the weight of diabetes, the psychological toll it takes, and the uncleanliness of bathrooms, he might have simply turned his head and allowed me to medicate.

The way I see it, most people have eyelids and I'd guess most of them work. Close them. In the rare case one might not have active eyelids, chances are their neck works. Turn it. My survival, my right to enjoy a meal, my mistrust of the cleanliness of public restrooms...I'm doing this at the table. I'm not ashamed of diabetes. I'm not shy about taking care of myself. Nor should you be. I promise it's more inconvenient for me than it is for the non-diabetic. 

Reality check.

Diabetes is hard enough to manage day in and day out without dealing with everyone else's problems. In fact, I don't think I'm wrong when I say diabetes management > accommodating ignorance. Public displays of diabetes show strength, bravery, acceptance, and ownership. Your health comes first.

#PDDiabetes

Life Injection

#DBlogWeek, day two. The topic is poetry. Here is my contribution.

Broken though unbreakable

Held back though unstoppable

Glass surface over undertow

The needle-free will never know

Micro self-inflicted wounds

Bleeding out through multiples

Survival limited with rules

Injecting life with Banting’s tools

All day long and through the night

Fear and burden, fragile fight

Autoimmune failure’s path
This useless, cureless, aftermath

What Gets Me Fired Up With Diabetes - Food Police

For #DBlogWeek I want to share on the first topic: What gets me fired up?

The food police.

I love eating. I am a huge fan of all types of food. I try my best to eat right, to follow what is considered a good diabetic diet. Low carb, low sodium, low saturated fat…these are the standard normal elements of a diabetic meal plan, along with fiber to help reduce BG spikes and reduce the net carbs, protein, healthy fats, and so forth. Do I stick to this? Um…do YOU? Is your diabetes management perfect? Didn’t think so. So if we are all in this together, and if everybody should have their own unique management plan, then why does every diabetic want to tell me what I can or can’t eat?

Type 1 or type 2, diabetes is absolutely a disease that requires personal, individual planning. Diabetes is frequently lumped together as one big problem that is caused by eating crappy. Sure, we all eat horrible things, but that didn’t cause my diabetes. And yes, there are foods that we should absolutely avoid, but occasional indulgence is not going to ruin me. And yet, when I surf through all of the noise and misconceptions about the diabetic lifestyle and diet, I find a distressingly high number of diabetics defining “the diabetic diet” as if we are all on the same meal plan:

• No potatoes
•  No white bread
•  No sugar
•  No artificial sweeteners
• No pasta
• No rice
• No FRUIT (srsly?)
• No wheat
• No GMO
• No fast food
• No sodium
• No fat
• No food…….

Welcome to veggie town...but only if the plants you consume don’t include corn, peas, or other starchy choices. As a food lover I am not going that route. And, even though I eat a good amount of the above list, my A1C is great, my daily BG results are generally good, I’m in great physical shape, and I’m not feeing deprived. What a great balance for me. Why would another diabetic try so hard to define a plan that we should all be following? What works for you may not work for me. Here is what I have come to understand as truly great advice:

• Count your carbs
• Don’t over-indulge
• Don’t deprive yourself
• Eat plenty of the obviously good choices
• Above all, moderation is key.

My Diabetes Burnout Clarification

After receiving feedback on my last post and rereading, I realize that the content of My Diabetes Burnout seemed a little dark and real-time. The truth of it is, I'm not in a dark place, I'm not in the thick of burnout, and I'm not crying for help. In fact, I think right now I am doing as well as I have ever done, aside from when I was newly diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and followed everything to the letter, including eating a separate meal from everyone else, more or less.

To be clear, I want to explain where I was coming from on this subject. I went to my diabetes physician yesterday. I found out that I am doing pretty well. I'm certainly doing better than I was when I left my last physician and started seeing this new one. I've increased my number of blood tests per day, which provides better data on how I am doing with the routine; turns out I could be doing better, but I am not doing bad. In fact, he told me that if I'd throw just one more test per day in, I can easily have my A1C right where it needs to be when I see him in a few months.

The other thing that got me thinking about burnout is my job. I work at Alliance Health Networks, specifically on Diabetic Connect. All day every day I read articles about better diabetes care and engage in discussions on the site about the frustrations and difficulties that people face while dealing with this endless process of staying alive with a chronic illness. My heart goes out to them because I have been there. I have definitely been there.

These factors caused me to really think about it yesterday. I thought about my family, my enjoyment of life, and the dark pits from which I have crawled time and time again. I am so thankful for where I currently am with my diabetes patient journey, and I hope I can continue to avoid the burnout. I know some people who are currently struggling with their journey, be it with diabetes or any of life's unfair trials. I sincerely hope that they can find some motivation, whether through my words here, or through the resources I share, to press forward and find peace and joy in life's adventure.

My Diabetes Burnout

The hardest part about living with diabetes is finding and maintaining the give-a-crap. Have you ever done something so long...a job, a sport, a band...that you can't stand to do it anymore? I mean, by the time you've had the last of it, you just want to burn bridges, throw it in the garbage, or would rather die than do it again. Well, same thing here, except, if I do any of the first two, the third is the result. That reality catches up and causes a realization of just how big of an exaggeration "I'd rather die" is.

Type 1 diabetes means my body does not produce any insulin, which is a natural chemical produced in the pancreas that removes excess glucose from the body. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disorder; it is not caused by eating too much sugar or anything like that, nor is it curable or avoidable. I'm stuck with it. For life...or at least until a reasonable, affordable cure is discovered. Managing this disease takes a lot of attention and structure; doing it right includes frequent blood testing, meal planning, carb-counting, medical supply buying, dosing, stabbing, and that's just the common stuff. There is so much to learn, know, and remember. It's an endless cyclone of "do this" and "don't do that." It's no wonder a distracted, busy, self-destructive individual like me can burnout. Currently, I am doing quite well. But the burnout described above is something that comes and goes.

The burn out is not a thing where now and then I forget to do something, or I went through a rough patch and stopped altogether. It's much bigger and more extensive. I have turned off my insulin pump to make it stop telling me it is empty. I have canceled checkups. I have eaten whatever I want whenever I want. I have ignored my doctor many times. I have gone an entire year without testing my blood sugar even once. I have had an A1C of 10.5. I have experienced blood sugar readings of over 500 many times. Sometimes I wonder how I have survived this long.

For a diabetic, or person with diabetes (some people are super sensitive about which term is used), burnout leads to serious complications, including death. It is imperative that we find ways to maintain or regain motivation. To avoid diabetes burnout, I recommend spending some time on Diabetic Connect.

The Shrink Show

Back when Ryan Rado was in town I had a wonderful opportunity to get him into a studio with Tysen and Dr. Matt. Some may know Tysen from Utah's 101.9 FM (The End), but I get to call him brother (in-law, but he's more like an actual brother). Dr. Matt has spent plenty of quality time on the station as well; he is a Clinical Psychologist at the University of Utah, and brilliant when it comes to the brain, human behavior, and all that psychological stuff. Together, with Tysen's broadcasting genius and Dr. Matt's...well...genius, they created The Shrink Show, a podcast about "the Psychology of Real Life."

Ryan, having lived a lifetime with Tourette's Syndrome (TS) and me only recently realizing I had done the same, we wanted to use this chance to offer an inside point of view and share what most people do not understand about TS. I was there more to learn and be inspired. Ryan, on the other hand, has much to offer; inspiration, information, and experience dealing with the complexities that come with a life run by TS, OCD, and ADHD.

Check out the show about Tourette's Syndrome and explore other great episodes.

Always be learning, growing, and understanding more about life.

Ryan

Since my Tourette’s Syndrome (TS) diagnosis, I have had some pretty interesting realizations. Much of it has been a struggle of understanding what it is, what it does to me, and how deeply it plays into my persona and daily life. But the toughest part was the time I just didn’t know if it was really TS. I tried to study it out further. Aside from all the reading, I decided I wanted to see if anyone moves the way I move, or does the things I do. I know lots of kids with the condition do their thing; I’d seen it so often. But adults? Well, the reading suggests that the majority of kids with TS grow out of it in early adulthood. I was frustrated that I couldn’t find anyone.
Then one day, a fluke. I somehow came across a video of a guy named Ryan Rado, who had done a video on You Inspire. It is an excellent site that allows some very interesting people to do exactly what it suggests. Specifically after watching Ryan’s video I dug in to find out more about him. He has a few videos, and they all helped me develop my attitude toward TS, break outside of my comfort zone, and understand what I have going on. But the greatest thing I got from the find was a friend.
From the video I looked Ryan up and came across his his blog where I learned even more about what we have in common. So I dropped him a gushy email thanking him for putting himself out there and letting him know a bit about what I had going on. I was very surprised to get a response, but more so when I read his insistence that I call him so we could talk about what I was dealing with. Finally we got in touch. After a few calls over a couple of weeks, I got one with Ryan telling me he was coming out to SLC, and while here, that he would like to get together.
Ryan has become a very close friend during these few months that we have been in contact. My time with him while he was here in SLC was life changing and has helped me improve the way I think, the way I deal with problems, and the way I view the strangers around me every day. TS or not, you could benefit from the wisdom of Ryan Rado.

Discovering Tourette’s

Summer 2012 brought an interesting discovery; one that might be considered unfortunate to most, but for me the discovery was met with relief. The events leading up to my diagnosis of Tourette’s Syndrome (TS) go back decades, but really came together during the last 10 years.
I was always a twitchy kid. I did a lot of blinking, raising eyebrows, throat clearing, and other considerably mild tics that may not have been especially noticeable. This stuff never went away, but became more prevalent into later teen years. Teen years are a mosh pit where tender, self-conscious, drama, and other shady characters listen to life scream at them while they jump, kick and punch each other for no good reason but to show that they can. Most of us grow out of it, but for someone with an unknown neurological disorder and no knowledge or explanation about its symptoms being displayed, I became increasingly self-conscious, and did my best to mask or suppress my tics. For some time this was effective.
As life went on, bringing with it the stress and anxiety that I imagine most people experience, the compulsions associated with movement disorders became stronger and stronger. Co-workers brought my tics to my attention. I totally bombed job interviews. I developed greater social anxiety. I began to notice chronic pain in my jaw, face, neck, side, and back.
Home life was a little different. Although I still suppressed tics, the comfort of home made it easier to just relax and be myself. My wife Candace couldn’t help but notice my movements and I was not quiet about the pains associated. Then one night we saw a program about TS, featuring children and teens with some pretty extreme cases of the disorder. But Candace mentioned to me that a lot of what was going on with me was comparable to what the program was discussing. Although the light bulb suddenly turned on over my head, Candace had flipped the switch on.
I began studying TS and quickly began to see myself fitting easily into that realm at least. A couple of months later I was in my Doctor’s office for my scheduled Diabetes check up. While there I talked about my tics and asked about TS diagnosis. Before I got very far he stopped me.
“You don’t have Tourette’s.”
“Really? How do you know?”
“Because you’re an adult. Tourette’s is a kids disease, and they grow out of it.You probably just have a stress induced tic. Here, fill this prescription for {some kind of muscle relaxant medication}.”
“So there’s no chance that it’s TS? Should I see a specialist to determine this?”
“No, I’m telling you, you don’t have TS.”
I didn’t fill that prescription. There had to be more to this, and I was quite sure I didn’t need meds to relax my muscles. I continued studying until I was certain I did have TS. It explained so much. So, self-diagnosed, I told people close to me that I have TS. Of course, because of my Doc’s words, I was a little self-conscious (once again), but I had no other explanation.
About a year later I had my professional diagnosis. My sister’s family was in town and there was a pool party for both sides of the family; our side and her husband (Jared)’s side. I hadn’t seen Jared’s family for years. His sister was there and noticed my tics. She just happens be an APRN specializing in psychiatric and anxiety disorders (such as PTSD) at the VA hospital. Thanks to her concerns she asked that I come see her. So we sat down with the official book and discussed my family and medical history, and all of my symptoms. In the end, the criteria was met. I was diagnosed with TS. But I wasn’t devastated or even down. I was vindicated. I could finally put a name to the face…name being TS, and face being my very twitchy face.
There are levels within TS. My case is fairly mild, though it does come on strong at times. TS is pretty tightly knit with some comorbid conditions, which are OCD and ADHD. I definitely have symptoms of OCD, though I don’t see any telling signs of ADHD. As a whole these conditions are not widely understood, and media has portrayed these, especially TS, in a very abstract light, leaving most of us ignorant and under-educated about them. Please learn more. I recommend either the Center for Disease Control and Prevention or, for a more detailed version (and frankly a much more interesting read) see Tourette's Syndrom on Wikipedia.
Thanks for reading.

My Diabetic Life

My pancreas sucks. Most people have a fine pancreas. It does what it is meant to do, making digestive enzymes and what not…but unlike most people’s pancreas, MINE decided, 15 years ago, that it was done with one very crucial function: making insulin.
It’s a sad tale, 18 year old high school student loses a ridiculous amount of weight, most of his vision, and any degree of motivation or stamina to even walk. Then a doctor tells him, “you’ve got the diabeedis,” and sends him across the street to the ER, dragged only by his poor little mother, and thrown in a wheelchair at the entrance to be admitted mere minutes before comatose takes over. Luckily the boy wakes up. And when he does, he begins the short road to recovery and starts a new life as a regular dude with an affinity for needles, granted continued existence on a day to day basis, like a temporary worker who continues to work on the project as long as he completes all required tasks in a very timely manner.
It’s not all that dire really. Sad sad beginnings I suppose, but it did not take long to compromise with the disease and establish a middle ground where I do things somewhat my way and my body does things somewhat his way. The real challenge here is the continued effort of eating better, testing my blood more frequently, ensuring proper diabetes management. It’s no easy task, especially for one such as me who has let things slide over the years. But I am still in good health and have both of my feet and my vision is good (knock on wood). I am trying to find new ways to motivate myself to improve, even if only for my wife and kids’ sake.

Losing Skin

A few weeks ago I totally blew it. I was taking a nice cruise on my longboard with Ethan; first real skate of the year. We went to the regular spot; just a little neighborhood up against the mountain with enough slope to hit 35 mph if you get into a proper tuck and take it straight on. With months of garbage weather I had not skated for quite some time, aside from an occasional pushing cruise down my street, which, if you have ever skated over 25 mph, you might agree is not that exciting anymore.

Anyway, on just my second ride down the sloped street, at about 30 mph, I caught some heavy speed-wobbles. That is what you call that moment when the board is uncontrollably shaking back and forth under your feet. If you don't know how to stabilize while in motion (a technique I have not mastered), you WILL get bucked off. Now, I have fallen many times. I know very well how to bail at that speed. I would normally fall forward on my hands and knees (gloves with thick plastic and knee pads) and ride it out. No pain, no problem. But this time, i totally panicked. I decided to stand up and try to run it out....at 30 mph. What am I, Superman? No, I am not. I cannot run 30 mph. As soon as my left foot touched the ground I was down. My left hip and both elbows took the entire impact of the asphalt. As soon as I hit, I knew I would be feeling it. The results were captured in photos, though I have chosen not to post those photos here. They are a bit gruesome. I'll just say I lost some serious arm skin and ended up with an enormous bruise on the left. The wounds had a difficult time healing, but have finally mended. The human body's ability to heal is truly remarkable.

This was by far my worst wreck to date, but one I can look back upon as a lesson learned. I am not indestructible. And now that I am finally healed up enough, and have picked up some new knee pads and added elbow pads to my collection of safety gear, I am anxious to try again...but I will most likely keep it to 20 mph for a bit and work back up to the 30 plus. I owe it to my elbows.

Molly and Music

So I posted, in the past, a video of Molly grooving to some of my music. Well, she loves all sorts of music. Of course, whenever it's one of my bands or recordings, she instantly recognizes it and loudly states, "That's daddy's song." If Fleet Foxes or Aloha come on, it's, "TURN IT UP." If it's something a little more up-beat and/or dancy, it's, "Mommy Daddy look," as she is in her car seat grooving out in some way through the constrictive straps that hold her down. She loves music. Over the weekend as we were listening on shuffle, Morning Light by Aloha came on. See vid.

A great show 2010

This was a great one. We were the odd band out and didn't have much of a chance to win, considering the 'left field' from which we came to play, but it was way fun and a privilege. This vid has some highlights and interviews.

Check this one too. A bit more of us.
Another on VIMEO

Google Yourself

Have you ever Google'd yourself? If you say no, you're a liar. Come on, everybody has. It's funny to see what weird crap comes up. I found that I am a weird old guy with nothing important on my website, a basketball player at Stony Point High School (up for college recruitment), an Investment Manager in Rochester UK (and a large number of other positions on LinkedIn), and some Belgian gal. And, although it is rare to actually find yourself on page 1 of a Google search, I found my Flickr page. Not that impressive, but whatever.

Not that I am that interesting of a person; I don't need to be Google page 1, or even page 100. However, I happen to be one of those who does some things in my life that I DO want to see page 1 on Google. And with some hard work I have achieved this. For example, Google the simple term "Bird Eater" and the very first link I see is my Myspace page for Bird Eater. If you search "C-Style" the last link on page 1 is my Big Cartel store for C-Style. Search "Pilot This Plane Down" and the first 5 links on the page go to our store, our Last.fm profile, and a dead link not worth specification. Yay Chris, cool me, right? Not the point. The point is that Google is rad, and blows my mind.

Also good finds on page 1 for Day of Less and Harmony Homes Utah

Longboarding

I'm not one to stay in my comfort zone. I enjoy trying new things; sometimes even when the new thing seems something that is so not like me. Sure, as a kid, I thought skateboarding was rad. I tried skating at the age of 8 when I got my first board. That one lasted a short time, and I got a new one when I was like 12. I remember that one had a preying mantis on it. I tried to do a thing or two, but could never keep up with the other neighbor kids who were getting the asymmetric boards (today's common 'street skateboard'). I could never even ollie, let alone bust out a kick-flip. Needless to say, I gave up pretty quick. But I never forgot how much fun it was to just push around, even at the slow speed of a short skateboard.



About five years ago, my interest was rekindled when I saw a longboard at a Zumies. I put it on the ground and gave a little push. The feel of the soft, giant wheels gliding on the smooth concrete floor felt like a cloud, and I knew that if I could just get one, I'd be fulfilled. It took some time and connections, but I finally realized that my theory was completely true when I acquired a longboard within the last couple of years. An old friend Jake, I found out, had a longboard company in Ogden. He hooked me up with his best board, the Buddha's Streaker. There was no turning back. That very day I completed my first power-slide, and within a couple of months I was increasing speed and developing my slides. Don't get me wrong; I'm far from a champ. But I am somewhat fanatical and always pushing myself to learn more and develop my style. Right now, I can say that longboarding is one of my favorite activities, and I get so much thrill, satisfaction, and stress relief out of the sport. It is great exercise and will keep me young for years to come. I don't think I ever had it in me to skate a half-pipe or grind a rail. But I don't need to. I am pretty sure most of those guys, though INCREDIBLE at what they do, have nothing on me when it comes to speed and sliding. I skate too.

Molly

I love my little girl. Molly is incredible. She is more than I imagined she could be. My life is forever changed for the better. Her laugh, her voice, her face, her smile, her ridiculously advanced vocabulary, her attitude, her imagination...She loves her toys, but would rather play with..well, NOT toys. She loves to eat, but fights it at meal time. She loves to watch movies, but once the movie she asks for starts playing, she wants to watch another one. She can run me in circles until I'm dizzy or frustrated, but then she offers a simple, sincere "I uv you daddy" and it's all better. We call her teeny, tiny, little, and occasionally I call her Sweater (name chosen by members of Bird Eater..it beat other nicknames such as Plague Bringer).

Bowling for Molly's 2nd birthday. She loved it.

Christmas time. She loved it.

Jon and I wrote and recorded this song; the next morning I played it for Molly. She loved it.

Recording

One of my greatest thrills in life is playing music. The difficult part about it is that so much time goes into every aspect. For example, writing a song takes several hours of trial and error, followed by hours and hours of practice time to get it right. Finally, when enough songs are written and perfected, a performance is scheduled. Hours are spent on promoting online and taking fliers to every record store and coffee shop in town. Each band sits and waits for a turn only to play 25-35 min. Where is the value for me? That is the best 25-35 min I've had since the last time I played.

Recording is the exception. It takes even more time; in fact, it probably averages out to about 10 hours of effort per song as each instrument and vocal piece is recorded separately along with  the editing/mixing/mastering, not to mention the time spent adjusting the gear and tone that sound best recorded (there is no 'magic' formula). But the big difference in recording is significant; the final product will last forever. When I'm an old man and can hardly remember the performances that I pushed through, I will always be able to hit play and hear exactly what I have done. Recording is timeless, and even if the style is eventually outdated, it is a piece of me that will always live on. It is my art and my creation.

This one is Bird Eater.

Practicing

Performing

Recording

Bird Eater

Harmony Homes

I try my hand at many different things. Recently I have been helping Harmony Homes of Utah get a bit more attention online. When remodeling your home, it is important to make sure you are getting the best value and experience out of your contractor. Harmony Homes serves Northern Utah with over 15 years of experience. The majority of its large list of clients consists of referrals by people who were very impressed with the work that Brad did. He can do anything and is able to make very creative suggestions when a customer is not sure what to do. I suggest you give Harmony Homes a try; at least meet with Brad and get a free estimate and conceptual drawing of the project. You can also see some other valuable offers. Find out more about Harmony Homes at Harmony Homes Utah and see what I mean, or call Brad directly at 801-628-2190.

http://basementvalues.com

Music Is Important.

It's simple, really. I mean, not that anybody else will, but I do care. I have a bunch of awesome crap that I care about, and it could be something that you care about. Probably not; but just in case you do, I'll go ahead and share it.

For starters, I care about music a great deal. I'd say 80% of the music I really care about will not line up with the general public. I try not to go all elitist about it, but it might come across that way because of the indie/underground/local nature of the bands and the strange genres and severe lack of radio play. Long story short, I just think some of the greatest musical talent comes from artistic individuals with complete control over their creations, rather than artistic individuals who are paid large sums of money by somebody else to make music that some d-bag decided everybody should like. Granted, some great tunes can even come out of the scenario, but you have to admit, some sounds are really overdone and commonplace. I'd like to think that independent artists can bring something new to the world and receive some substantial recognition for it.

This is not to say that I don't appreciate some very big artists. I am crazy about some of the most popular musicians in the world. There is no denying that some things are just really good. To me, it's all about the integrity of the project and, really, whether it moves me.

Finally, I will admit, I have been in several bands, am currently in a couple, and plan to be in more. I, of course, would like to think that someday my own efforts are recognized. I just don't have the financial support that the big shots do. So, with a very small audience at my disposal, all I can do is love what I create and hope others care enough to find it.